Open Letter to my Father's Brothers

Dear Uncles,

Yes, Grandpa died. I miss him horribly and am sorry that my youngest son never got to meet him when their birthdays are only days apart. I'm sorry that none of my kids will ever remember my grandpa like I remember yours. There are so many memories that I have that I cherish and always will. I know you miss him, I miss him too.

Grandpa didn't die under the best circumstances, and didn't have the opportunity to clear all the cobwebs on his affairs or his estate. It has been a messy and very crappy last couple years. I know, I was there. When you all whined and said you couldn't take off work or afford to travel, my dad did it even when he couldn't. When you didn't want to deal with your step-mom cause she tends to be mean, who did? My dad. When you didn't know what to do with the house you ignored all emails and requests for your input and so we did what we thought was best.

Again, i know cause i was there. I was there when my dad was so upset he was crying because his dad's brothers and sisters have been turned against him by his step-mom. I was there when he tried to show the whole family that you brothers still loved the family and wanted to be a part of it (though you never try). I was there to feel that the woman I've known and loved my whole life as "grandma" hated me and was telling everyone that I was trying to kill her and steal all her money. I was there to be yelled at by Grandma for trying to do what none of you were willing to do. I was there to do the right thing cause someone had to.

I, 20+ years your junior, was willing to take off time from work and work my butt off to go through your fathers stuff to try and sell it so you could have a bigger inheritance. I, not expecting to be reimbursed for time, left my family and the preparation of my house for winter to go up to increase the check going into your pockets. My boys missed me every weekend for months because I was doing the work you wouldn't do (not to mention during the week cause I had to work my real job and go to school). My house never got winterized because I was helping my dad make you more money. And now you won't even say "thank you"?????

We gave you an list of things that he needs to be reimbursed for and you tell him no, because he didn't get your approval before buying anything? You don't know but I was copied on all the emails that he sent to you asking for your input and help that you ignored. You don't know that he consulted with me because you wouldn't call him back. You don't know all the stress you caused him because he was afraid of leaving you out or doing something you might not like, but you would not do him the courtesy to reply or return a call. And now you tell him he should have asked you first?

You won't reimburse him for the things (15k - less than 4k from each inheritance check) he had to put on his credit card cause you wouldn't help? You won't for the things to fix up the house, food for the 5 min breaks we took to scarf something down before continuing on and have the gall to tell us you won't pay for food and demand we take another hour out of our time sheet for lunches? He worked days from dawn 'til dusk cause he only had a few days off of work (not including travel time from another state). I can't even tell you how many days I took off work (more than 10) and yet I know my dad took off so much more. He was here for a 2 week period straight, sleeping on the floor at the house (again to save "the trust" money) only when he couldn't see anymore or physically keep his eyes awake. You tell him congratulations for making the house sell-able and get a decent price out of it only to infer that he only did it to increase his share.

Where are the uncles I loved? Where is the family that he so desperately needs? I used to look up to you and I only find that as I get older I see who you really are and now the only way to see you is as I hang my head in shame that you would treat my father this way. I don't expect to be reimbursed for my time (that I sacrificed for you - I guess only for him cause you don't care) but I would love to treated like the pain and sacrifice we went through meant something. That you at least appreciate the hard work.

If i would have known that this was how it was going to end up I wouldn't have let or helped my dad stress over every little detail and how you would take it. I wouldn't have left my family and wasted my weekend to drive over 2000 miles to look into the AZ affairs for you (again cause your time is too valuable). I would have told dad to let the house sit empty and crappy and junked and not sell for even half of what it did. I would have told him to save his health, his back, his money, his vacation time at work, his frequent flier miles, and all his sweat and tears. I would have loved to have my dad use his vacation time to get to know his grandsons and spend time with them, or with his wife that I don't know how they even still know each other cause he was gone so long working for you.

Brothers #3 and 5 - I know you live out of state but your drive is less than half of my dad's. I know you are having money problems but hey, who isn't. We spent a few hours with you on our crappy road trip weekend and you had only thanks to say and seemed grateful for what we were doing but now you treat us like we are a being selfish. You accuse me of lying to get money out of the trust? You think that I care about the money? I care about the money I took from my family and my hard work to help you out and only expect that small amount reimbursed. I don't any of grandpa's money cause he was more than that to me.

'Brother #4', when you couldn't handle the executor duties or put up with the drama (to the point of changing your phone #s) you threw your hands up and ran to my dad for help and he stepped up to the plate at your request. Now you are telling everyone my dad did this on his own accord and you didn't ask him to? How do you sleep at night? How have you convinced yourself that is ok? You of all people saw the most of what we went through and again your time was too valuable to help but now you think that we should have included you more? Every time that my dad was in town he notified you and everytime you were too busy or something to come help. When you wanted grandpa's car (like a few of you did), my dad was a little firm with you cause he had to be fair to everyone else but you underhandedly said you paid for the car and then took "your portion" back out of the bank account causing a check to bounce and blamed it on my dad. You were the uncle I thought the most of until this. I'm sorry but I can't look up to you anymore. I don't even think that I can stand the site of you for a while.

Brother #2 - there isn't enough time in the world to discuss you, or money in the universe to make me like you.

Brother #6 - thanks for the times you helped. you know more of what my dad went through and the suffering that he is feeling. Please don't fall for the other 4's antics and their BS. Stand up for my dad and show you have a backbone.

Dad -
I'm sorry that your family is a bunch of money hungry, back-stabbing idiots. They will never understand what we (you, mom, me, my wife, my sons, our friends, etc...) sacrificed to help them. Sadly its apparent, they can't see past their own greedy little noses. I hope that this all works out but please stick to your guns. Don't take this hit just to "save relationships", they obviously don't care and so I don't think that anything you do will make a difference. I enjoyed being there and feeling grandpa's spirit as we worked. It made me miss him but helped me to understand him more too. I feel as though he was there working with us many times and that he is thankful for what we did. I love you.

Sincerely,
me